Until I got an email telling me that an assignment that’s due on Monday (that’s two days from now) has been entirely changed.

And I did this assignment already, as per the original instructions.

Yesterday.

THIS IS WHY I PROCRASTINATE.

So busy, all the time… No time for me. Can’t keep up with homework, my job, reading, writing, music, TV, exercise, cooking, cleaning, oh and sleeping. I have no social life to speak of.

Next semester won’t be any better.

Made a countdown on my wall a couple weeks ago, until graduation. 191 to go (since it’s past midnight). Accio, May 5th.

I’m not built for all this.

Help.

As in, I have been. I moved back to school about a month ago and everything has been non-stop since then. I seriously was not prepared. Time just disappears, and as much as I want time to fly by so that May will get here so I can graduate and peace out forever, there is not enough of it in any given individual day.

Annoying, these contradictions that I live.

Really though, my life these days consists of doing homework and waiting around for buses. I should be more efficient and do homework while I wait around for buses, but I can’t be bothered. Some days I don’t even get on the computer at all. ME. The internet addict, not getting online! Unthinkable.

Clearly, though, I’m still staying up late, which is no bueno!

On the plus side, my morale is way up. It helps that I get out of the house every day, except for maybe Sundays. Just being back to the freedom that I lose during breaks from school helps tremendously. Plus some other things.

Nothing is perfect, but I’m content enough. One step at a time.

I guess it could have been the weather. And the lack of good company. Either way, I kinda couldn’t wait to come back. Back to my life of nothingness, of desperation, of waiting and wishing and hoping.

I need a project. Something to take my mind off of everything else, or something to help me deal with it in a productive way. Music, writing, exercise. That’s what I’m going to try and devote the rest of my summer to.

I’m tired of reading. It makes me sad. I don’t know how or why, but it does. It’s supposed to be an escape, a way to make me forget my own life. But instead it’s making me put myself in someone else’s shoes, and often times it blows. Apparently I’ve gotten too good at empathy.

I need to change some things up. Have more fun. Look out for number one.

Guess I’m ready to head back to school, then, cause that’s the only way I can manage these things. This place is poison for my morale.

About to start week five of the semester here. I cannot believe how quickly time is passing by. As much as I feel like I’m taking advantage of everything I can, it also feels like I will never see and do everything that I want to. Uni is keeping me extremely busy, I’m barely even keeping my head above water as it is, and things are about to get really serious in the upcoming weeks. I wish I didn’t have to care about my grades. I wish I was like those other lucky bastards whose grades go back to their home institutions as a simple pass or fail.

Damn you Penn State. Damn. You.

So most of my time has been spent doing as much work for class as I can to get ahead (or pretending to do so). But not everything here is workworkwork.

Last weekend was pretty full of fun things. On Saturday I had a surf lesson at Manly beach, my favorite one here that I’ve been to so far, and it rained. A lot. Bbut that’s ok, because you really don’t feel it in a wet suit. And it’s really fun! I wasn’t sure I’d be too good at it, but it’s really not all that difficult. I managed to stand up a few times, so I consider it a success! The lesson flew by really fast, but it’s probably good because we were all exhausted by the time it was done. I also got stung by a blue bottle jellyfish, which are supposed to be the ones you don’t want to get stung by. I think I got lucky and only got brushed against, cause the pain wasn’t terrible.

The next day, I had a field trip for a class to the Royal National Park. It’s the second oldest national park in the world after Yellowstone. It was raining on and off again, so the paths were all muddy and flooded, but it was still alright. It’s really beautiful, right on the ocean with these amazing cliffs and beaches. Unfortunately, I never put the battery back in my camera after charging it, so I wasn’t able to take any photos. But at one point I found a leech attached to my leg, sucking blood out of me. I had never had that happen to me before. I wasn’t really sure what to do, but I pulled it out with a piece of paper towel and scrunched it up, and then my friend Kristina stomped on it. Then later she found one on her shoe, and almost lost her mind.

Last Wednesday, me and some friends went to Coogee beach for this restaurant’s Wednesday special - $5 steak, and you get chips (fries) and salad for an extra $2. Talk about a deal! And it was really good, too. A lot of people show up for this. I might have to make it a weekly thing because it’s such a good deal, and I don’t get a whole lot of meat on my own. All I can make is pasta, really, haha. So my body may need it. After dinner we sort of split off, and a few of us went night swimming at the beach. The waves were massive, and it was wicked fun, but there was tons of seaweed everywhere, it made the experience a little bit uncomfortable. Especially because, in my mind, every bit of seaweed was a jellyfish. Talk about paranoia! Eventually we found a place that was pretty clear of seaweed, but then we got cold and decided to head back.

This coming weekend I am headed back to the Blue Mountains as part of a class trip. We will be camping for three days and probably not have phone service - which is kind of the point. I’m pretty excited for it because last time we didn’t get to stay long enough to really enjoy it.

I hope my camera will last for three days. At least I’ll remember to put the battery back in before I leave this time.

I swear.

at keeping up with this. Part of me doesn’t even care, and the other part of me has just been too busy to think about it.

It’s the middle of the second week of classes here at Sydney Uni, and some of my classes are pretty easy, but others are really hard man. I mean I feel really stupid. Probably because even though I’m taking subjects related to what I’m taking at PSU, it’s still a different curriculum, and I don’t have previous study in that curriculum. So my upper-level courses are challenging me. Every time I say something it isn’t right, and the things coming from everyone else’s mouths are straight magic. I need to just stop speaking.

The problem is that in Australia, you really need to speak. It’s a big part of your grade, because you have big lectures and then small tutorials, which are discussion-based. So if I say nothing, that’s bad as well.

But apparently no one gets A’s in this country. So I shouldn’t even care. But unlike many of my fellow study abroaders whose grades will go back as pass/fail, mine and the other Penn Staters’ will go back as we earn them. Therefore, I actually have to give a damn. Gonna drag my GPA down. Why did I come here, again?

Oh yeah, cause it’s SYDNEY, and it’s stunning.

Last week I went on a harbour cruise with a bunch of other kids, and madness ensued as is the case on any booze cruise. Then on Saturday pretty much everyone went to the gay Mardi Gras parade, which is a huge deal here, even though it caters to homos. It was pretty cool actually, even though I didn’t originally plan on going. I have lots of pictures to post (another thing I’m being terrible about doing).

On another note, I got a membership at the public library, and I’ve been running regularly. I feel like I’m starting to have the life that I’ve been wanting. Reading, running, and having a good social life. I actually think I text more in this country than I do in the States.

I’m onto something good. And I’m so looking forward to seeing how it develops during my remaining time.

Got the list of everyone participating in my study abroad program in Sydney. Lots of Penn Staters! Facebook stalking them all.

Like you wouldn’t.

So the spring semester begins tomorrow at Penn State. I should at this very moment be on a bus headed to Pennsylvania sitting next to my friend Terry while she sleeps to the sounds of her iPod and maybe a Will Ferrell movie playing. But I’m not.

I guess this is when it will start to sink in. The fact that I am going to Australia, I mean. When I was accepted into the program, it did not feel real. Getting my visa and ticket still did not make it feel any more real. But when I start seeing everyone complaining about homework and tests and stuff, then it should start to feel real. I’m really not going back.

Will I be packing and still not entirely believe I’m hopping the Pacific?

I guess I won’t know until the day comes. Which can’t come fast enough, for the record. Now that snow has finally arrived in Western Mass, I’m ready to go. I can deal with trading snow for sand. Sydnayyyy!