So I’m talking to one of my friends whose boyfriend is pretty much breaking up with her, and she wrote this letter and sent it to him and it made me remember that after my most recent breakup, I wrote a really long heartfelt letter too. And that it did nothing to help. But it was stored somewhere on facebook, so I went looking for it. And now that all messages are consolidated on facebook, I just kept reading old stuff we had written each other, and I came across a poem.

I wrote it for my ex a long time ago. March 26th, 2009. It’s not all that good but it was heartfelt and it, along with all the other messages we sent back and forth, just makes me miss everything. I’ve been missing him a lot lately. Or at least missing having someone. Someone to miss, someone to miss me. Either way I’ve been kinda fragile about the whole “forever alone” thing.

I had my palms read at the beach a couple of weeks ago, after the reader was crazy specific about my younger cousin. Like, there’s-no-way-in-Hell-that-you’re-just-guessing specific. So naturally I wanted mine done. Unfortunately my reading was a lot more general, but still pretty accurate in certain ways. Apparently, however, I’m meant to be seeing someone at the moment. But I’m not. So she said that it’s supposed to happen very soon.

Well, I’m still waiting. Any takers?

I did have a date of sorts on Friday. He’s cute and we got along well and had a goodnight kiss and I want to see him again, but I’m cautious. I know very well that I’m going back to school in less than a month. So we’ll just have to see what happens.

I would really like to end this two-year losing streak.

We were in New York City, hanging out for the first time post-breakup. This was probably bought on by the fact that until a few days ago, the last time I was in the city was with him. We were at some sort of pool party, I think. Just hanging out.

Eventually the party ends, and he invites me to another one happening somewhere else. So I agree to go, and as we’re leaving I realize that I’ve forgotten my jacket, so I go back to get it. When I get to the cars that are waiting to take us, there is no room for me. So I hold onto the side of the car, and I’m talking about how I don’t have to go, that I can just go home, I know how to take the train back by myself - I’ve done it before.

So we pull over and we’re definitely not in the city anymore, but out on some stretch of highway through a golden field. I climb off and begin to get emotional, because this was definitely not how I imagined it would be, seeing my ex again. So everyone starts hugging me. Like, everyone, I think a bus full of people even pulled over to hug me cause there were mad amounts of people, more than just those in the two cars.

Everyone except the one who matters, who just stands and watches. And then I leave. And then he leaves.